Self-discovery is a continuous process

For example, my favourite portion of chicken meat was the wing. Then it became the drumlet. Now, it's the wing again.

It used to be greater emotional strength. Then mental strength was built up, with the Lord's grace and leadership. Now, emotional fragility has crept in stealthily, especially with added stress from externalities and the development of more intimate relationships, in this current season of my life.

I used to have a phobia of socialising beyond my comfort zone. I wouldn't and couldn't converse in Mandarin at great lengths, though people would think it shouldn't be a barrier since I've been under the influence of my mummy.

Yet day by day, week by week, year on year, I attempt to break away from ideosyncrasies and challenge if the norm should be taken as the norm.

Who said that only the holy-two-shoes deserve to go to Heaven? Moses was a murderer. King David committed adultery too. Who said that only the pastors and church leaders can conduct healing rallies and heal the blind and the lame, while normal Christians like us shouldn't dream of having the same power within us? Who said that only the spiritual ones should lead cell discussions and the rest should just listen and go home with not a single value added to their lives?

So who told you those things? Some great teacher of all times? Or have you, over the years, told those things to yourself?

What is spiritual, what is not spiritual? Can someone be more "spiritual" than another? Or have we just been using the term so loosely as a convenient excuse to shirk away from discipline and responsibilities? I'm coming from a believer's perspective. "Because I am not a church staff/I don't have heavy responsibilities in church, therefore I can cut myself some slack. Therefore no one will blame nor fault me for growing slowly. Therefore I like to maintain status quo".

If you subscribe to this idea, it is just the beginning of the biggest lie ever.

We are not accountable to only our peers and the community. Who cares about your accountability that much anyway; the world is forgetful. We account our lives to God.

Now how about a pre-believer's perspective. "I've never understood much about Jesus, therefore I don't exactly want anything to do with the things you've mentioned. Once in a while, I listen to teachings from all perspectives, opening myself up to all religions, therefore my life is good as it is. Thanks alot but I still prefer to be a free thinker. Think free, talk free".

And I've often wondered is it because of my Christian family background that hindered me from understanding how pre-believers function. But I thought to myself too, no matter which age I am, there are bound to be times where I'd go in search for a God, to find out what life is about and what happens after life. If, after exploring for some time and I halt the search, is it because I'm satisfied and have really gotten the answers I wanted, or have the issues in my life simply quenched the urge of searching deeper?

Shouldn't this be the way, that if we we're clueless, we seek further for answers? If we are too busy, we seek for guidance on priorities? If we are too tired, we seek for rest? If we are bo chap, we press in for an added hunger? Whatever or however we do, just don't buy the story that nothing can be done?

With all being said, I recognise the limitations of my arguments and the lack of understanding of multiple situations. And yes, my personal thoughts can never and should never represent that of the entire human race.

But personally, I see the importance in seeing every issue of my life with spiritual lenses. Sometimes I'm weak and I do miss the point, but no no, I don't want to miss it for life.